Sunday, June 30, 2013

Big Brother 15, Ep. 2 Recap: "Can I Blow Your Nose For You?"


With these houseguests, it's safe to say this won't be 'Virgin Airlines'
Image via BuddyTV

Welcome to my recap of the second episode of Big Brother 15! When we left off, hormones were flaring, some guy looked like Taylor Lautner, and Weird Al Yankovic's long lost son was the Head of Household!

The second episode of the 15th season started up with all the houseguests sitting around the living room, still in shock about Julie revealing this season's big twist. That twist of course being that 'Murica will get to vote for an MVP who could anonymously put a third person up for eviction. The players were scandalized, debating how it affects the game and who it screws and who it benefits the most. Jeremy and Judd had the best theory that it benefits the ladies because... America loves women? Except for women of course. They don't like women. Jessie and Kaitlin made that very clear in the season premiere. And if there's one voting base that loves Big Brother and will go online and out of their way to vote for something trivial on a reality show, it's straight men. As a straight man, I could totally vouch for this. But alas, I'm Canadian and they won't let me vote.

Speaking of the ladies, we cut to the bathroom where Alyssa, Kaitlin and Jessie were talking about the eligible gentlemen in the house. Because women be gossipin. As 'three single ladies' they debated who each one of them was into and developed code names for all these prospective gentlemen. Aaryn, the cute blonde Texas girl (which is what the BB narrator called her off the top of the show. Yikes), well she likes David who they gave the codename, 'Ken'. As a person actually named Ken, I'm not thrilled to be associated with the surfer/lifeguard who likes to feel himself up and should maybe cut it out with the old school Justin Bieber hair. Instead of a Ken, he seems like more of a Trey or how about 'Puka Shell'? Because you know he totally has several puka shell necklaces. Jessie likes Nick, who they're refering to as Manhattan. No wait, they changed it to 'Big' because he's from The Big Apple. Or maybe it's a Sex & The City reference that I clearly don't, nor want to understand. Kaitlin likes Jeremy, who they're refering to as 'The Sailor.' He works on a boat so that's something. They clearly missed a CBS tie-in opportunity to call him The Barnacle and then have him appear on 'How I Met Your Mother' alongside Barney 'Barnacle' Stinson. The one thing Kaitlin can't stand about Jeremy however is that it always sounds like he's stuffed up when he talks. And according to her, sometimes she just wants to grab a tissue and say 'Can I blow your nose for you?' Which is what every guy longs to hear from a beautiful woman.

It was then time for McCrae to show off his HoH room, which was odd because we didn't get to see any personal photos or hear him read a letter. I was really hoping for photos to see a family shot featuring BB14 winner Ian and Weird Al Yankovic. At the very least, a receipt from a cloning facility with Weird Al and Ian's signatures on it? McCrae told all his fellow houseguests that he wouldn't get HoH-itis and a big head, which elicited a response from Kaitlin about being like Rachel and saying 'Floaters grab a life vest.' With Elissa sitting a couple seats next to her no less. She even made McCrae say it! Seriously, how does she or nobody else in the house not realize that's her sister? They look and sound alike. Oh hey, a few segments later Aaryn and Judd alerted the house to Elissa '100%' being Rachel's sister. Kaitlin calls herself a 'wench' for dissing Rachel right next to Elissa. I would probably go with the word 'hero'.

With an overwhelming 16 people in the house, I'm still trying to put names to faces and figure out who these aspiring famewhores are. But inside the house, more alliances are being formed. And Jeremy aka The Sailor aka Jacob the Werewolf aka Taylor Lautner aka Stuffy is at the forefront of this, forming his third alliance, as he joins forces with Nick aka Big, McCrae, Howard and Spencer. This bro-lliance is named "The Moving Company", because they're going to move people out of the house you see. Or maybe because Howard and Spencer are two really big dudes who could probably move heavy furniture with ease. Also joining forces were Puka Shell and the Texas Girl. While laying on the hammock, which I hope they replaced after Ian wore out the hinges on it last year with his OCD swinging, the two blondes revealed they were crushing on each other. Puka told Texas, 'I'm totally felling you." That guy has a real way with words. Also, Puka told the Diary room that he was in the house to form a showmance and not even to really play the game. And on top of that, when Aaryn told Puka about Elissa being Rachel's sister, he didn't know who that was! He does realize he's on Big Brother and not The Bachelor: Puka Shell Edition, right?

In addition to those alliances/love connections, Jessie revealed to Amanda that she feels like Bella Swan because she's a 12-year old girl. She is in love with Nick who is like Edward except not dark and brooding and totally into Hardcore Parkour, as well as Jeremy who is of course Taylor Lautner. For as boy crazy as Jessie seems, she at least gets points for not wanting to blow Jeremy's nose for him.

What would a Sunday night episode of Big Brother be without a Have Not Competition? This one was titled 'Cooler & The Gang'... what a timely musical act pun! What about something more modern like, 'Cooler Moe Dee' or 'Coolerio's Fantastic Voyage'? The goal of this one was to float down a lazy river in an inner-tube, grab a can of pop -- oh sorry, Soda for all you Americans -- then bring it back to your teammates and stack it on a board that was being held up by said teammates. The red team, consisting of Howard, Andy, Helen, Judd and Elissa, basically lost this one right off the bat when Howard started floating in the wrong direction. Then as he jumped in the water to grab some soda from the underwater cooler, he forgot to hold his breath. This should tell you something about the intelligence of these houseguests, when their main challenge in a competition is forgetting when to breathe. Howard's dismal performance was followed up by Judd falling out of his inner-tube and basically looking like a fish flopping around after it's pulled out of the water and dropped into a canoe. The red team then went on to drop their cans off their platform, having to restart and no doubt about it, they lost. Even the yellow team dropped their cans, but there was no out-sucking the red team on this one. Speaking of big cans, Aaryn used this competition to check out a shirtless Puka and all his rippling muscles, which he had no doubt admired himself multiple times earlier that hour alone.

The 'worst have-not room' in BB history was revealed to the have-nots and I rolled my eyes because I feel like they say that every year. Like how every rose ceremony on The Bachelor is the biggest one yet. But this one was pretty bad, admittedly. I don't even know if you could call it a room. It's the inside of an airplane cabin, with no beds... just chairs. And they don't even recline! And of course because hormones are flaring in that house like it's a high school dance, Amanda had to make a crack about joining the mile high club in there. There's no doubt in my mind that this is happening at some point.

It came time to debate which houseguests McCrae should nominate for eviction. Kaitlin and Amanda wanted Candice to leave because she was the one to blame for the yellow team dropping their cans of soda. Amanda then made her way up to the HoH room to try and convince McCrae that Jessie should go because she, 'has a way better ass than her." And because she's "annoying" and "prissy." If those aren't good reasons to end somebody's dream of being on Big Brother, then I don't know what is. Later on with McCrae in his HoH room, Elissa came up and finally revealed the world's worst kept secret to him. Elissa didn't receive a negative reaction to this as maybe she was expecting, because McCrae is a 'Big Brother superfan' and thinks it's awesome. I mean, I like Big Brother as much as the next guy, but you need to reevaluate your life decisions when you become sort of starstruck by a reality show competitor's lesser known sister. Aaryn visited McCrae and told him that she wanted Elissa out because how dare she has the "audacity" to be related to somebody and have the houseguests be too dense to figure it out? I don't know, it didn't seem like a very well thought out plan. But then again, this is from the girl who likes Puka Shell and who the producers called 'The Texas Girl' at the beginning of the episode, so what should we expect?

Before making his nominations, McCrae and Manhattan/Big discussed who should go up. Big wanted to put up two girls because it's what worked best for 'The Moving Company.' And when you have a great alliance name like that, you don't screw with that magic. In the end, McCrae put up Jessie and Candice for eviction. He told Jessie it was because she's socially savvy and has a good chance to win the game. Not because he really hates Twilight or anything. His reasoning for putting up Candice was because she's strong and he expects her to kick ass in veto. Though if she can't hold a board with pop/soda cans level, then I'm not so sure about that.

What say you, readers? What do you think of McCrae's nominations? Who do you think will win the MVP and who should they put up? Leave your comments below and follow me on Twitter (@KenBeckett) to have some fun discussing this game!

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